THE PEPPERDINE

'Look,’ I said as we pulled into a parking space at Slimbridge. ‘It’s Vicky Pepperdine.'
A few minutes ago she said, ‘There’s a space there, go there, don’t park on the mud. Why are you parking there when there’s a space there?’
‘That isn’t a space,’ I said, ‘that’s the way into the overflow.’
‘Oh.’
Now she said, ‘Who’s Vicky Pepperdine?’
‘She’s in that hospital sitcom with Jo Brand,’ I said.
‘Oh,’ she said, ‘the one who shags the male nurse?’
‘No, that's the sister, she’s the uptight doctor…’
‘The one always plays by the book?’ she said.
‘Yes.’
As I paid, ‘My card’s taking a hit today,’ I said having filled up with fifty-three pounds worth of petrol, ‘You may as well,’ she said, ‘before the increase,’ and I said, ‘That was the headline on the Post just now.’
I entered my pin, turned, whispered, ‘Look, there she is.’
‘How do you know it’s her?’
‘I recognise the voice,’ I said. ‘And she’s wearing a lime green puffer jacket, stands out a bit. Thank you,’ to the woman handed me a receipt, ‘No, don’t look…’
‘You just said…’
‘Ok, but be discreet…’
Round the site she took photographs of swans, geese and ducks, ‘Listen to the crows,’ she said.
‘No sign of the Pepperdine,’ I said as we sat drinking coffee bought from the kiosk near the Zeiss Hide and ate the sandwiches she’d made earlier. ‘I’m going to call it “The Lesser Spotted Pepperdine,”’ I said, ‘should be easy to spot with the lime green puffer.’
‘Why do they call them, “lesser”?’ she said. ‘Is it because they’re smaller?’
‘Probably,’ I said. ‘In this case not seen as often as expected considering the lime green puffer.’
We walked round some more then made our way to a place to view the four o’clock feeding but changed our minds about going in because it was so crowded.
‘Let’s go up the tower,’ she said.
On our way I said, ‘I’ve just seen the Pepperdine,’ she wasn’t that interested and kept walking, ‘she was in the café, obviously her feeding time as well, we could watch her instead of the birds.’
We didn’t of course. I’d turned quickly away when I spotted the lime green puffer having thought during the afternoon, ‘What a drag being recognised and stared at by people like me when you’re out and about…’